Wednesday, February 26, 2014

What's Mine is Mine, What's Yours is Mine....

Although, I can honestly say I am no expert when it comes to relationships so who am I to dish out some advice? I have no degree in psychology nor do I have the experience and so on and so forth... But in my limited world, I have indeed met some people who's only ambition in life is to please themselves.  It doesn't matter if they've stepped on some people to get ahead, take advantage of other people's generosity or kindness, pretend that they care and when they get what they need.... BAM! They just vanish like a bubble.. Yes, I  must admit you can sense some bitterness in me but hey, I've met and been victimized by some of these creeps.  I always told myself, never again. DON'T TRUST. But, I've been taught to help others, share what you have. Kindness will reap its rewards. Yes rewards but when? After you've been stepped on, trampled, used like a dishcloth? I have no expert advice on how to recover when hit by these people like a virus that just won't go away but what I can suggest is to avoid these people like the plague. Or, beat them at their own game. Use them also, as they have been using you. Heck, the world is filled with what we call symbiotic relationships where one needs the another person for survival.  But as what they always say, prevention is always better than cure.

How do you protect yourself from these parasites? The best thing to do is to identify the innate characteristics of these kind of people.  At some level, each person has a deep need to be selfish at times, to protect their own interest but sometimes, these interests gets in the way of others.  There is nothing wrong with protecting oneself as long as nobody gets hurt. When it starts to affect other people, that's when one should realize it is not about protecting yourself anymore but more on taking advantage of others.  I used to call them leeches with two feet.

So, how can you tell them apart?

  • He constantly blows his own horn. When all a person talks about is himself then it could be a sign that he's a prime candidate for the leeches academy.  Although, we could not easily judge someone who does this he could just be really into himself. He could talk about what his feelings are, what he's been through but never stops to ask - "HOW ABOUT YOU?" . He may let you get a word or two in but he may hear it but is actually not listening to what you're saying. There is a vast difference as to what hearing and listening is about. 
  • He just doesn't care! You may have called and told him you're bleeding to death and all he will tell you is call a taxi and bring yourself to the hospital. Chances are, you're going to see not even a shadow from this person. But reverse the roles and he's calling you cause he just NEEDS to hitch a ride cause he's too lazy to walk but you asked if he could wait for a while or you can't since there's a hundred more things you need to finish then he goes ballistic and tells you that you just don't care - that is a sure sign, this guy is just too self-centered for his own good.  He doesn't value what you feel, doesn't value your time; in short he just don't value YOU!  You both set a date, you both have an appointment but they're late or you've been stood up. Does this show that this person care if they let you wait for hours and doesn't even have the gall to tell you that he or she will be late or is cancelling? What's worse, the excuse is lame or they just doesn't have the excuse nor the sensitivity to acknowledge that what they did is wrong.  Yes, they may apologize but these are false apologies where it might appear that they are asking for sorry not because they regret what they have done but they do it just because it is expected.  
  • Cheapskate. At first they might appear generous but in the long run, they live by the saying its better to receive than to give. Enough said. They like taking advantage of your generosity but when it comes to reciprocating the gesture, they suddenly become afflicted with amnesia.  They may be a cheapskate on others but definitely not on themselves.  Because you are too kind you offer to drive them home or to lend them a thing or two but when you are the one who needs a ride home? They are nowhere to be seen.  Lots of excuses but nothing really relevant.  They might tell you they can't pay what they owe because he has to pay for gas, pay for his food and a whole lot of excuses when as a matter of fact - he is just to lazy to walk or so full of himself to take public transport and even help Mother Earth in saving Gas. Sacrificing other people's needs because he has to think of his comfort first. 
  • Now you see, now you don't. If they need something from you, they are a regular visitor in your home or seems very supportive but that's because they need something from you but when the time comes that they don't, they are just too busy with some other stuff and has no time. What's worse, they pretend to be the victim here and would appear righteous - a sure sign of the wolf in a sheep's clothing.  When you are asking for them to return your stuff, they become so busy they just don't have the time. Up to a point that they don't answer your calls, your messages and even block you on facebook.  Then when you hound them cause that thing is important to you also, they appeal to others as if they are the one who's been harassed. These people are just so good at what they do that a lot of people fell into their traps. 
  • At their convenience.  Everything happens at their own time, at their own terms at their own convenience. These people doesn't get the concept that other people have needs also just like they do. Sometimes other's needs are far more important that what theirs are. The world has to revolve around them and not the other way around. 
  • Stress-free life. They want a life that is stress-free that is why when they start feeling the pressure they back away and run as fast as a coyote. When you are the one who is in need of support, they definitely not that shoulder to whom you can lean on. For them, "I" will always be the priority.  
  • Make fun of other people. They think that they are the perfect specimen of God. Yes, they may say I'm like this, I'm like that but they might just be fishing for some compliments. No body is perfect and I really don't like it if people are making fun of others to the extent that it's already hurtful. Its different when you tell a joke but there's a fine line between telling a joke and being tactless. 
So, if you encounter someone who shows some of these qualities just be wary but being the kind and unselfish person that I aim to be, always give people the benefit of the doubt. Some may indeed be going through something and is just too afraid to tell but let's just think for a minute and also think that we should also prioritize ourselves also.  It's okay to help others, it's okay to ask someone for help but it is never okay if you are already taking advantage of this person and in a way, hurt them either emotionally or pocket-wise.

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